Tuesday, 18 September 2012

It may just be me, but my friends are awesome... and it's not just me, they are.

Anyone who reads this blog regularly will know that I absolutely love my friends and will take any opportunity possible to exploit their words and moments on this thing so that I can immortalise their words for ever.

You will also know that there is no one I love doing this more than with One-And-Only-Daniela. The reason for this is that I did not give her this nickname lightly. There is literally no one like her and, when talking to her I have no idea what I am going to expect. I love it.

Today, due to the fact that my birthday is a month and a half away and I always just pass it by without doing anything overly big, I decided to go all out and do something this year. I have decided to go to a Cabaret dinner/show followed by a 1950s club... there is a very good reason for this latter event. One-And-Only-Daniela and myself went to a Grease themed party the other week, put on by the same people who did our Bugsy Malone night out, I bought a 1950s dress and petticoat for it and I was damned if I was only going to wear it once!

Suggesting this night out to a group of my Essex friends today has had to be the best thing I could have done. They have been making me laugh heartily. There's a large chance that you guys aren't going to find this funny, but I have to immortalise it because I adore my friends and the things they say to me:

This is a facebook conversation today.

One-And-Only-Daniela has been shortened to OAOD

Me: I'm going to this Cabaret/1950s club in Soho, wanna come?

Jo-Jo: I'm in, But... I thought that was a bondage/PVC type place (ahem, not that I'd know) ? xxxx

Me: Wow! Not that I know! There are riskay nights, it's a little naughty but in a burlesquey type way. We're going on a cabaret night. Check out the website! Lots of people recommend it... maybe we should bring whips just in case.

Jo-Jo: Haha, now where did I put that gimp mask???? Hmmm xxx

Me: LOL!!!!!!!!

Me: I have to share this, I was just emailing One-And-Only-Daniela at work:

.... Me: Jo's comment had me in stitches!!

.... Pause

.... OAOD: What's a gimp mask?

.... Me: Oh you do make me laugh. Google it.

.... OAOD: OMG they're scary!


Yes, I do report back to everyone in transcript, I find it gives a little bit more of an finesse to it... don't judge me, I get my kicks where I can.

To my parents who may be reading this and thinking that I'm going to a strip/fetish club as Jo-Jo suggested, this is not the case, it is a cabaret night and will be in good taste. I promise we will not be taking any whips or gimp masks with us. I have looked into it, it is not that kind of club...

So I am on a 'my friends are awesome and I'm feeling happy to know other people outside of myself' high at the moment. Sometimes it's nice to socialise with people every so often.

Peace out my lovelies

Monday, 17 September 2012

Empty brain

You know, it's all well and good me deciding to write on this thing every day, but the problem comes when there isn't much to write about... I'm empty today. No whimsical wonderings, no manic mischief, no random reminiscing, no shady shenanighans... a lot of alliteration though. That's always fun.

As such I'm going to make it short today, partly for the reasons above and also partly because I have been typing at work for 8 hours straight and my finger muscles are starting to look far too buff and out of proportion to the rest of my body... seriously, they're like firm, hunky looking sausage fingers. They love a good wolf whistle at other fingers going by just so they can wink and flex their biceps (before you say it, yes fingers are able to wink and yes they have biceps, if you are checking that in some form of new fangled "science book" then you are quite clearly reading the wrong material).

But anyway, I'm tired and I'm really not looking for another reason to stay staring at the four walls of my office when I should have left a very long time ago already. I almost decided to wait and talk to you guys when I got home but then I thought, meh, that's a whole hour and a half away, who knows where my head and indeed my body may be at that point? ... Well, I kinda hope my body will be at home sitting on a sofa and turning on Season 3 of House as I am re-watching them at the mo... but still, you never know!

Okay, well my left hand now hurts and my right hand is making fun of it for being a woose. In my left hands defense, I am left handed so it has to do a lot more work than the right... My right hand's having none of it, if you listen hard enough you can probably hear it gloating from where you're sitting... and now my left hand is sulking and threatening to go on strike... I'd better wrap up, this typing milarkey will be a lot slower with only one hand in operation and I'm already dreaming of my bed at home... hmmmmm sleep... how I've missed thee.

See you guys around and share love to all because I've decided that today that is important.

Peace out my lovelies.

Saturday, 15 September 2012

Go me, I'm all pro work and stuff

Today I am working on a Saturday. Yesterday I spent two hours budgetting with Housemate-Anna and all in all I am feeling that urge of importance in my life where I am awesome and taking control of my finances and not lazing about and being productive in the world whilst making my mark and all that shizzle.

I am very excited about this, I am also going to go for the record on how long that will last. I spent all last weekend feeling sorry for myself and all my badness and not having any money and being all rubbish with all aspects of my life full stop but then I was reminded, I can choose to be different! I can be a better person.

So about tuesday/wednesdayish when I'd rather reluctantly taken off my 'everything sucks and woe is me and everyone should feel sorry for me because nothing ever changes and I'm only making things worse' hat, I decided I would take my first step and re-engage with the world. The only way I could figure to do this well was to come to you guys and start spouting crap like I used to, hoping that it may enocourage me to be more productive in other places... it worked.

I went to the doctors and sleep exists, I went to work and was told I could do extra shifts (this is my lunch break, I'm not slacking I promise) and I started telling Housemate-Anna about a plan on how I will stop my bank from stealing money from me (in a legitimate sense and not by wearing a mask and stealing it back or anything like that (if I was planning that of course, I would not be stating it on here, it's burglary 101, don't advertise your crime if you don't want to get caught (I'm talking to you, people who rioted my lovely Enfield last year, put pictures on the internet of you doing so and then were surprised when the police found you... you know who you are (but I'm not stealing from the bank. Pinky swear)))). Any who I was telling Housemate-Anna this and suddenly, the next thing I know, we're writing up charts and plans and budgets and working incomings and outgoings and using whiteboards and markers and doing math and all sorts and most importantly I didn't hate it

Yes, I am a new plum. I am organised and I am ready for the world. So long sucky Plum, hello world!!

Peace out my loveles.

Friday, 14 September 2012


Last night, I had the most blissful sleep, I went to bed at 7:15pm and woke up this morning at 7am! It.was.amazing!!

On receiving these sleeping pills, I would like to say a special thanks to my GP who, without her I would never have dreamt of achieving this goal (pun intended). I would also like to thank my bed, who has had to deal with a lot of thrashing about from me recently (and not the good kind), throughout it all it has stayed secure and comfy and allowed me to snuggle into it's mattress as I drifted off to a place I had thought had disappeared forever. On that note, and for similar reasons, I would like to thank my duck feathered pillows and largely togged mattress as well as my massive Eeyore stuffed toy, given to me as a present on my 21st birthday from Oldest-Friend-Cafrin and who has spent many a night subsutituting the lack of human contact for me... thanks Eeyore, the love heart that comes out of your mouth saying 'I love you' is just what I need on so many nights...

To be honest, I thought it was a honour just to be considered for these pills, but to know that I have won the opportunity to own them for my very own is mindblowing, thank you to all my friends who believed my insomnia was good enough to qualify for drugs, even when I began to lose faith that it could ever happen to me. To think that I almost didn't turn up that day at my doctors to ask for the pills... and now look how far I have come!! Almost 12 hours!!


I mean sure, I woke up like 7 times throughout the night, but only for a minute or so, soon the pills took over again and relaxation was mine! ALSO I don't remember any bad dreams! Yeay! It's not only copious amounts of wine that allows me to sleep without the interruptions of nightmares! Weird brain I will conquer you yet!!

(If you're a new viewer to this blog, I am certified as a 'brain with issues' kind of person but don't worry, I don't pose any danger for your safety.)

So, in other news... I don't really know, I kinda went straight home and straight to bed last night so no shenanghans were able to occur... hmmmm I'll have to find a way to balance my sleep and shenanaghans evenly so as to not sacrifice one for the other.. I'll get back to you on that one. In the meantime, love you all, missed you all, thank you all for your lovely 'welcome back' messages and I will internetually communicate with all of you very soon, you truly are awesomeness in a bag.

Peace out my lovelies.

Wednesday, 12 September 2012

The mysterious Spaceballs

Something bizarre has been happening near where I live... It has left me rather perplexed and suspicious and such.

There's a road that I need to walk down between my flat and the train station. It's a long residential road and all down it, day and night, there are always cars parked in every given space on the curb.

A couple of months ago, on my way back from work I noticed that there was a DVD in the back of one of these cars, it was of the movie Spaceballs. You know it? It was pretty much a childhood regular in our household so the moment I saw it I immediately paused and gazed fondly at it as all the memories of my younger self watching the movie flooded back...

For those of you who don't know it, it's basically a spoof of all big science fiction movies, there's a lot of Star Wars in it, a bit of Alien, a dash of Star Trek and many others.

For the younger me, who wasn't really old enough for the Alien movies and hadn't got into the wonders of Science Fiction as of yet (yes, that does mean that I hadn't known what it was to experience true happiness) I had no clue what any of the references were about but I absolutely loved it, and the reason for this was two fold:

1. I knew it was a comedy so therefore should be funny and hence I felt I owed it to myself to laugh in all the right places otherwise I might not be considered as 'cool' or 'normal.'

2. Older-Brother-Glyn did understand the jokes and found it very funny. This happened to coincide with the time of my life when I hero worshipped my older brother and so if he found something funny then I trusted him enough to think it was funny as well.

Anywho, after a while the movie wasn't watched as much and years went by where it became only a fond memory of what was once. As I reached my late teens, I was round a friends house and saw that they had this movie. Instantly the fondness came flooding back (as it had just the other month) and I waved it excitedly in said friend's face, claiming that it was of massive importance that we immediately put the movie on so that we can have an afternoon of sheer laughter and happiness. Not to mention, I now knew what Science Fiction was and, although I had not at this point got round to watching Alien, I was aware of the references that Spaceballs used (aliens bursting out of stomachs etc and so forth), as such I just knew I would finally get to watch this movie and laugh because I actually get it rather than due to pressures of peer pressure.

Said-Friend shrugged rather uninterestedly and said that we might as well. As such, I skipped and they lulled to the lounge so that we could watch the movie.

And we watched it...

And I got ready to laugh...

And it didn't come.

I mean don't get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed the comfort it brought as the oh so familiar memories soared back into my brain, but that was about it. All those jokes that I didn't get the first time and assumed were funny, I got this time and realised that weren't actually as funny as I had hoped and dreamed they were. I mean, it wasn't awful but my heart still did feel like it had been broken and stomped on and I gotta say, I kind of felt betrayed. Betrayed by Spaceballs, betrayed by my own memories, betrayed my peer pressure and most of all betrayed my Older-Brother-Glyn.

So I had two choices, I could either never watch the movie again and petend that I dreamt this experience, or I could watch it over and over and over again until finally I found the tear jerking laughter I had been so badly craving.

I chose the first option. I took the DVD out of the player, and ever so calmly placed it in her alhabetised drawer. I then sat down and pretended the whole thing had never happened. (You'd think after that, I would have learnt my lesson, but a mere four years later I also did the same thing with the movie Cluedo, I remember crying myself to sleep the day my parents recorded over that movie with an episode of Ballykissangel only to buy the movie and not understand how I could have fallen for the same peer pressured mistake again... stupid Older-Brother-Glyn, it took me ages to realise he had bad taste as a child).

Anywho... that's not even the mysterious bit. Back to the journey back to my flat and the fond look I was giving the memorable spaceballs movie in the back of the car (oh the joys of selective memory). For the rest of the week I walked past that same car, parked in the same spot and smiled silently to myself as the Spaceballs DVD stared out at me.

Then one day, the car and DVD was gone... or just the DVD and the car was still there just without the DVD in it's back seat anymore. I wasn't really paying that much attention to the vehicle.

I mourned for the loss of the DVD for about a day before I forgot that it had even been there... my memory hasn't been that great lately... I blame my tendency for knocking my head on inanimate objects.

A couple of months later, I was walking to the station on the other side of the road and noticed once again that the Spaceballs DVD was back in the back seat of a car... except it wasn't the same car as the one I had seen before, it was parked in completely the wrong place and the colour was all wrong. This meant only one thing, another car in the exact same road had also not only bought this movie but had also decided that it would like to store it in the back seat of their car.

I was perplexed, I could not account for it at all. It wasn't until it happened a third time, I decided that that was it, I was quite obviously being watched and for some reason they chose this completely bizarre way to screw with me...

I haven't noticed it happen for the fourth time as of yet but we'll have to wait and see. It is a mystery and I will figure it out if it kills me...


Unless it is the same car but they've just parked in another spot...



Peace out my lovelies.

Tuesday, 11 September 2012

Where have I been? ... Well, sleeping mainly ... wait, no, that's not it

Throughout my life I've been awesome enough to experience all sorts of fun emotionally stunted habits that have led me to be the quirky person that I am today. One of these beautiful little nuggets has been my ability to experience nightmares on a regular basis... I am telling you, my subsoncious mind is bizarre... and ever so slightly pervy and disgusting.

Anywho, I've had the nightmare thing for about 7 years and I was pretty convinced that it was the worst thing about sleeping I could experience... until a couple of weeks ago I experienced a new joy that I can happily say trumps the prior... or is at least on par with it.

Yes, you guessed it ladies and gents... I am now officially an insomniac. Oh how wonderful the experience is, to lay awake until half five in the morning, finally fall asleep to have disgusting, perverse and terrifying nightmares only to wake up at 6am. It leaves me feeling all kinds of special throughout the day!

So my reasons for not writing in this thing? Because I don't know why.

All I do know is that I certainly felt so much better when I was writing in this thing every day and I'm going to try to let out all of my thoughts and craziness onto all you lovely people so that maybe they're not running around my head instead.

So... where to begin?

Quick catch up since the last time we spoke...

Went to Scotland to see the Parents.
Started a new cross stitch while I was there. It's of a man holding up a baby. It would be an awesome 'congrats on squeezing a baby out' present... I don't actually know anyone who is currently cooking any babies but I figure that by the time I finish it (in about three or four years) someone is bound to have gotten knocked up by then... note to self, make sure it's a couple where the dad is involved, don't want to send it to anyone in a 'look what you're missing' kind of way, that may come across as a little harsh.

Also, whilst I started the cross stitch, I wanted to make sure that I got into the right mood so I watched films like Little Women and Pride and Prejudice and yelled out 'Snap!' whenever anyone on the TV was also cross stitching... you know, to add a bit more excitement to the experience.

Got robbed and other such shenanigans
Yeah, this one should probably help in my non contact with you guys recently. One night, whilst myself and Housemate-Anna was sleeping, some lovely person decided to come into our house and steal my lap top and TV. It was a highly special moment when I woke up the following morning to find my side door open and my household contents gone.

In a rush to see if anything had been disposed of in our skips (seriously the lap top and TV were on their last legs anyway, they should have realised this almost as soon as they left the house), I ran out of the side door, carrying things that needed to be put in the skip as a way of multi tasking because I'm awesome like that, and lost my footing on the first of the stone steps. Due to my hands being full, as I fell (in what felt like slow motion) down the rest of the stone steps I landed on my arm whilst my leg simultaneously smacked on the lowest step. This resulted in the biggest gash I've ever seen on my arm and my leg to swell to twice it's size. I wasn't able to walk on it for a week.

In spite of all of that, there was no lap top or TV disposed anywhere... stupid robbers.

Have continued to be neurotic on a daily basis
So it may appear that by not telling you guys my neuroses as they happen, I'm just penting them all up into one massive neurotic mess. It's been causing me all sorts of problems, let me tell you. I've found a new way of letting them out which is via song, I am currently in the process of writing a song about relationships which I promise, should I ever complete and record, I will put on this website.

Other than that, I've been keeping with my normal neuroses, increasing my actions on others and also creating brand new ones as well so make sure I'm completely bizarre instead of just quirky... if you were wondering, below is the scale I adhere by:

Square - - Has their moments - - Quirky - - Neurotic - - Best to avoid - - Completely Bizarre - - Should probably be admitted

Feel free to assign yourself to whichever you feel best describes you. There are descriptions for each but I'll leave that for another day.

All in all it has been a while and I will endeavour to ensure that it isn't in the future.

Much love and kisses

Peace out my lovelies.