Wednesday, 7 December 2011

It's all a bunch of newness

Apologies for the lack of communication on this thing, but as I might have mentioned before hand, I moved this weekend to my new place. As such I have been highly busy doing very important things like installing internet access, getting our TV to work and decorating the flat in Christmas decorations before we have even unpacked...

There will be photos to follow with regards to my new beautiful home but in the meantime I would like to focus on the one new thing that arrived yesterday... my bed.

There was a lot of hassle with this bed. Hassle that involved me yelling at the delivery man over the phone yesterday morning because he was insisting that he was going to bring the bed early and I was (in a fairly animated fashion) informing him that we had only organised someone to watch the house between the hours of 1pm and 5pm and so there would be no one there to open the door. He was adamant that he wouldn't change his mind on the matter and so resulted in Housemate-Anna (yes she finally has a nickname) getting her mother to pass her trolley full of groceries to a man in Sainsbury's and run to our flat so that I wouldn't have to spend another night on the sofa. Needless to say, I was massively grateful for that one. Housemate-Anna's mum is awesome.

Anywho, once we had the bed in and I finally got home, I was a little irritable with the day. Housemate-Anna shared my sentiments. Luckily we had six wheels that needed to be hammered into the bottom of my bed. Guys, if you ever feel frustrated at the world, buy a double bed with the wheels not attached, grab a mallet and go nuts... granted, this is a long way round and involves a fair bit of preparation to get organised but I would say it's highly worth it in the end.

Once we had assembled the bed and we had high fived each other for being awesome independent women who could totally assemble a bed without any help from the 'man' (and by 'man' I mean Housemate-Anna's boyfriend Karl), I then noticed that in one of the inbuilt drawers in the bed's main frame, there was some extra material. Thinking that this was important and therefore highly in need of my immediate attention, I attempted to crawl into the little drawer space so that I could reach them.

"What are you doing?" Housemate-Anna asked.

"There are pieces of random fabric in here, I simply have to get them as they match the bed's material and so must be important." I called back to her as I squeezed my boobs through the small compartment.

"Where would they go?" Anna asked.

"I have no idea," I answered.

I grabbed a hold of them and sighed with satisfaction as I knew I had achieved my goal.

It's at this point in the story I should probably mention what it was that I was wearing as it is rather integral to the continuation of the tale. You see, I was wearing a thin grey top with a black waistcoat over the top. This waistcoat had silver metal buttons. These metal buttons, when I tried to pull myself out of the bed again, decided that they liked it inside my little cabinet and decided to all grip hold of the inside and not let me out.

This, ladies and gents, is how at 7:30 last night I found myself lying face down on my bedroom floor with half of be submerged in bed frame whilst the bottom half wriggled aimlessly on the floor.

"Um Anna?" I said.

"Did you get the material?"

"Yep, no problem with that." I pulled fruitlessly again. "I'm just not too sure if I can get out."

"Don't be silly Lisa, of course you can... just wiggle a bit more."

"I am wiggling!! I've wiggled, I've pushed, I've pulled!... I think my waistcoat is stuck."

Housemate-Anna laughed.

"How is that helpful?" I asked.

"I'm sorry, but you should see what I can see, you look hilarious!"

I wiggled some more. "Okay, I'm really stuck. I think I'm going to need your help."

"What do you want me to do?"

"I need you to wrap your arms around me inside the cabinet and pull my waistcoat down."

"There's no more room for me to get in there!"

"Try Anna! Otherwise I'm going to be stuck in here forever!"

There was a pause whilst Housemate-Anna considered this. "Okay, I'll try."

Housemate-Anna then wrapped her arms around me and slid them through the gaps in the cabinet. She got hold of my waistcoat and pulled. With a sigh of relief I heard the buttons break free of the cabinet. All that was left was for me to pull myself out.

I tried.

I tried again.

And again.

Housemate-Anna had her arms around my waist now. Her foot was wedged in front of the frame to give her some power and both of us pulled. Nothing happened.

After a minute of this, we stopped trying and both collapsed... well I collapsed as much as I could do given that I was already face down on the floor. Anna was laughing, I was somewhere in between laughter and tears and, whats more, I was knackered... You ever get that? Where you've gotten yourself stuck, you know you need to get out of that place but the idea of trying is so knackering that you figure... I could probably stay here... I'm sure I can find a way of working from home in my little cabinet and at least I'm lying down...

"Lisa, we need to get you out of there."

I sighed.

"Okay, one more go."

And so Housemate-Anna placed both feet against the bed frame, I had my arms pushing on the floor of the bed and with one final pull... out I came...

At least I know, for the future, that I don't fit into that bed frame. Next time I need something in there, I'm sending Housemate-Anna in. She's tiny.

Peace out my lovelies.

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